Now, my advice is for those who think they want to try this with their family - which I wholeheartedly recommend. I did a blog several weeks back talking about what our family has received from this experience and the benefits are immense. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
That being said, it's not easy and it's not for everyone. So this is what I'll say:
1. Do Your Research. And Then Do Some More. Yup, the first thing I had to do was look up where Malaysia was exactly...no lie. And after doing some general research, you know, about the weather, the people, the general tourist stuff...it was time to dig into the nitty gritty. Where to live? What schools were available? Could we truly be happy here based on the things that were important to our family?
I also asked questions as part of my research. Lots of questions. Of other Cargill families, in Facebook groups, on various websites. And I made sure I was speaking with people who were similar to me. Not retirees. Not young, single executives with no family ties. I talked with moms and dads who had kids roughly the same age as mine. These are the folks who will give you the real scoop.
And, make sure your partner in crime is doing the same thing. Make sure his/her new job is what he/she is expecting, not some idealized version of a job. That's all part of the research process.
And know that not every assignment that comes your way will be ideal for your family. We've turned some down. We knew they weren't a fit for our family. They weren't career breakers for Blaine and we knew other opportunities would come our way. Malaysia was a fit for us at the time.
2. Make Murphy's Law Your Mantra. Lots of things go wrong. Some are easy to overcome. Some are a bit more difficult. You need to be prepared for all sorts of things not to workout as you would like them.
This does not mean you are a pessimist. I think of myself as more of a realist with optimist tendencies. By acknowledging Murphy's Law, I have been able to roll with the punches much more than I ever thought I could. The good times are EXTREMELY good...and well, the bad times just aren't so bad.
3. Be Secure In Your Marriage. Well, if you listened to the "Two Fat Expats" podcast this week about expat divorce, you are probably sitting back taking a look at your own marriage and making sure you haven't missed any hidden signs or that your marriage isn't headed down the wrong path. An expat assignment is not going to fix a marriage that is in distress. Yes, you'll be living somewhere somewhat exotic and you'll have the chance to take great vacations. But, you're going to have a spouse who is working many hours. A spouse who probably travels quite a bit. A lot of the parenting responsibilities will fall on you, the stay-at-home spouse. These things can add lots of stress to a marriage. You want to make sure your marriage is above average on the healthy marriage scale.
4. Be Able To Ask For Help. Oh, this was a tough one for me. I don't like having to ask others to help me. But, when you are halfway around the world, away from your family...you need to do this. I had practice at this in the U.S. as we haven't lived near family in about 10 years. But, as an expat, you learn quickly to do this. Your neighbor, Brian, will become the emergency contact for your kids even though you've only known him for a few weeks. And when your husband busts his leg, you will need to ask Shannon to take your kids so you can get in an ambulance and head to the hospital. And, sometimes it's not even big things you'll need help with. It may be as simple as picking up a child from a birthday party or sharing a cup of coffee because you are about to lose your mind. This is all part of being able to ask for help.
5. Prepare Your Kids. Yes, kids are resilient. Yes, they roll with the punches. These things are true. But, you've got to do some prep work. We helped our children say goodbye to their friends in the States by bringing back some things they could give their classmates. (Our kids were 8 and 6 when we left the States.) Bookmarks, pens and postcards may not seem like a big deal, but this allowed our children to share a tiny bit about their new home with their friends.
And, we role played how to go about making new friends at their new school. (I will say that expat kids are really friendly and open to making new friends. How can they not be? They've all been the new kid at one time!)
Additionally, Cargill provided our family with "cultural training." Now, the day that Blaine and I atttended...well, that was not fabulous. (Ask me to tell you about the woman who spoke to us about strip clubs, bribery, KLGCC and becoming friends with the King.) But, the man who worked with my kids had them genuinely excited about coming here.
I'll admit that I could've done a little better job about preparing them for some of the sensory things they experienced. Grayson struggled with the smells of a big city and the markets. (This kid held his nose for the first 4 weeks when we went to BIG - a nice grocery store - and well, I don't know if he's ever adjusted to the wet markets.) And, Caleb struggled with how loud everything seems here. I'm not sure what I could've done on this front, but this was definitely an adjustment.
Anyways, share as much as you can with your kids. Answer their questions. Make them feel involved. Yes, it is a parental decision to move abroad, but if your kids are prepared and included you will all be much happier.
6. Embrace The Adventure. This seems so easy. But, not everyone can do this. Everyday is an adventure. It's not just the travels. It's the search for Velveeta or sage (because you are going to make your own sausage) or shoes that fit your big feet. Or trucking around town to find Pokemon cards for your kid because they are "the thing to have" at school. All of these daily things are part of the adventure. You need to roll with it!
I'm sure my expat friends can add to this list, but if you are considering going down this path...make sure you're able to do these things or know where you and your family are with these things.
Some days are the absolute BEST! And some days are the PITS (despite what you may think from my Facebook posts). And yet, I know that tomorrow is another day. Bad days will get better. Knees will heal. Kids will make friends. Vacations will come. June will arrive and you'll go see your family and friends.
And the adventure will continue.
No comments:
Post a Comment