Some of you may have seen my Facebook post Saturday evening stating that I was trying to make up for some epically bad parenting - or at least it felt epically bad to me. And lots of you liked my post and sent me messages and made me feel better about parenting failures. We all make them you told me. In my attempt to make my son stronger Saturday, I'm sure that I only made a bad/sad/frustrating situation worse. There was no perfect way to make up for this. I apologized and we hugged it out and by the end of Saturday evening everything was right with the world. But, here it is Tuesday and I'm still thinking about it. Parenting is hard stuff, with no instruction manual and no right or wrong way to do it. Everyday I continue to reflect upon my parenting style. Learn from those around me. I strive to improve...and sometimes you need to take a couple of steps back in order to get some momentum to move forward.
And next on my list of ramblings today is body image. I've been struggling a lot with my own body image of late. I currently live in a country of relatively tiny people. I go to a CrossFit box with a bunch of fit folks. My friends all seem to be thin and fabulous! And yeah, I'm not thin - although occasionally, I am fabulous! (Just joking!)
At one point in my life I was 350 pounds. I worked hard, lost a lot of weight and in the past two years I've gained some back. Am I anywhere close to that original starting point of 350 pounds? Nope, but I'm not the woman I was in pictures 4 years ago. And while I'm once again working to get there...I'm not there yet, hell, I may never get there again, and I'm stuck "in the box" right now.
Anyways, I made this picture my Facebook profile last week:
(Thank you to all who "liked" this picture last week.)
This picture was taken at the box where I work out. (Jen manages to snap lots of pictures when we're not looking during WODs) and I found it on the CFV Instagram page. And, I have to say, at first, I hated it. All I could see was huge thighs and a fat ass. But then, my son looked over my shoulder and said, "Whoa! Nice squat, Mom! That's a great pic!" I decided I needed to get past my own body image issues and embrace what my son saw in that picture - a strong mom who can heave some heavy weights (and really likes it). It's time for me to start embracing the things my body does well, working on the areas where improvement is needed and get "out of the box" of bad body image.
Which brings me to my last topic and then this rambling blog post will come to an end. One-upsmanship. I worked for two years in a job that allowed me to speak in front of hundreds of people each week. It was an extremely fulfilling career. Before I took this job, I went to a weekend long training where they instilled in us the need to be careful that we did not one-up the people we were speaking to - something I never gave much thought about. In this job, I asked people to be very candid, very vulnerable and to share parts of themselves with a large group. We all had similar backgrounds and we were all at various points in a journey. I had to make sure that in sharing my story I did not one-up or diminish the importance of their story. It's such a fine line between sharing your own personal experience and one-upping. And yes, I was guilty of one-upsmanship - in fact, I occasionally, still am. I need to think about this more. When people share something with me...a milestone, something their child did, a failure, a triumph - sometimes all I need to do is listen. I need to respond in a way that let's them know I care - whether it be by congratulating or consoling or commending - whatever - and leave it at that. And, I'm sure I'm not the only one...maybe we all need to reflect on this a little.
Anyways, sorry for the "heavy" blog post this morning...I needed a little catharsis this morning and you, my poor blog readers, were on the receiving end. But, I feel better already...
You rock!
ReplyDeleteSpot on, Robin-- as ever, thanks for your humor-laced candor & brilliant insights :-)
ReplyDeleteRobin, as a parent, you grow in your ability, knowledge, and skill of parenting. Parents make mistakes. You illustrated to your son a) you are not perfect, b) situations are just that - temporary moments in time, and c) you move through an uncomfortable situation by dealing with the issue, both surface and underlying, head-on, talk it through, and grow from it.
ReplyDeleteSecond, you saw me at my heavy points. I lost some weight, close to 70 lbs, and gained some, not all, of that back. I am healthier, my body is shaped differently, and regardless of how I look to others, I am strong and have stamina. You helped me with that. I still have your workout and pictures to help me. Now onto you and your body...You look amazing. Scale and size are really only part of how a person looks. There aura, persona, and confidence makes and breaks a person's looks. And, again, you look amazing. You lift, do cardo, eat right, induldge, and moved your family to a foreign country. Look at yourself as you are today, not compared to the 350 lbs. person or the thinner person. Can you enjoy your life? Look good in an outfit that is the correct size for you today? Yes, because you are more than your body.
Finally, One up-manship. Everyone does it. It has its place. You can relate with someone bringing you closer together with that person, or make yourself stand apart from others because of it. Yes, listening is key. One reason to do the one up-manship, though is to want to relate and connect with someone. People share their life and give clues as to what they want or can handle. It's picking up on the nonverbal communications along with the verbal communications. Even the best psychologist screws this up, or they have not friends. HA! One thing a pastor of mine said is that if you want to achieve something, practice. practice. practice. I guess this last paragraph is kind of a lecture. Sorry. habit. And, since I can't talk to you in person, this is my response.
I hope that it helps you through your rough time. You are an inspiration for others because you not only "did" something at one time in your life, but continue to "do" something every day of your life.
Thanks!